Suspicions Confirmed...

Apparently I’m ‘unbelievably’ hot and pretty much the ‘perfect’ woman for most men…

I don’t know why I do it, but every once in a while, I find myself sticking my toe into the waters of online dating.  It’s a morbid curiosity that most closely resembles the fascination one has with a freshly dead corpse.

This week’s single’s site? LoveArts.com

It’s based out of the UK, which should have deterred me immediately because I’m really only interested in meeting men who live somewhere along the I-4 corridor between Orlando and Daytona Beach.  But I thought, maybe this site that claims to be for “arts lovers” might be the right place for a girl like me.

First of all – not many of the men on the site seem to be involved in the arts.  Big negative.  But apparently that doesn’t deter them from wanting a woman in the arts because I discovered that I’m a 99% match for most of the men who bothered filling out profiles.  Of course, that’s not hard with discriminating criteria such as “From Anywhere in the world,” “Between the ages of 21 and 50,” and “Any star sign.”  Don’t get me wrong.  I didn’t specify a star sign either – primarily due to my penchant to fall helplessly in lust with Capricorn men, who are my astrological opposite…

Sounds about right...

But to see so many men for whom I’m a 99% match simply confirms what I’ve suspected for years – I AM the perfect woman! (Probably mainly because I am a woman and not just another right hand…)

So – I’m filling out my profile and I get to the all important ‘photo upload’ page and I think, Okay, I’m going to put up a few of my recent professional shots.  I mean, I’m supposed to be putting my best face forward – right?  Not so much…

The administrator deleted all my photos – twice.  They sited the reason as: It is a suspected fake photo. Send proof of ID before uploading it again.  

Yep – apparently I’m too hot to be real…

I had to send an email in which I pasted links to my professional web site, my IMDb page and my blog to ‘prove’ this hot piece of a$$ is fully legit.

How many times do I have to tell you I'm PERFECT???

This served as yet another warning sign that there aren’t many ‘artists’ on this page because actors, models, musicians and comics all have professional “glossy studio” photos of themselves as a rule.

So this morning I discovered I had 12 profile views… By one member – a 55-year-old ‘party animal’ in Malaysia…

SoNNY – if you’re reading this, I’m sorry to say – even though I might be the ‘perfect’ woman for you, I just don’t think we’re a match…

Letting Go...

I suffered extensive first world trauma at the age of 15.  I was on a three-week student exchange in Germany when I arrived a few minutes late for a charter bus trip that I was told “under no circumstances” to be late for.

That particular morning I actually was waiting on my German Host ‘sister,’ but I got a rather memorable comeuppance from my teachers who dressed me down in front of ALL the other students in the middle of bus.

I was sure my reputation was ruined forever, but I learned a valuable lesson that day – “Take ownership for your actions and their outcomes.”

(My excuse of, “It really wasn’t my fault this time,” didn’t quite cut it…)

So I’ve built my life around taking responsibility and ownership and seeing through what I start.  But now I have a new handicap.

I don’t always know when to let go.

Correction – I usually KNOW when – I just struggle with the execution...

I’ve always had a hard time uttering the word, “no,” when asked to do something I don’t want to do.  And I’ve rarely been able to say, “I’m done,” with anything more significant than a tasty dinner.

Peas are God's way of punishing mouthy children...

So two days ago, when a person I really didn’t want to deal with called me and literally demanded that I talk to him, I put him off and told him I’d call the next day.

All the next day, I wondered why I’d told him that.  I didn’t want to talk to him.  And I didn’t want to dive back into a project that I’d finally let go of after three years of investing massive amounts of time and money.

I was done. I am done.  I’m okay with that – so why couldn’t I say it to that dipsh*t when he called me?

Those of us who work in collaborative mediums like filmmaking learn to take a great deal of ownership in our work or it won’t get done.  That’s good.

But when you’re having a staring contest with your phone because you’d rather digest and sh*t out your own tongue than make one more promise to pursue a dead avenue, it’s time to get up from the table, scrape what’s left on your plate into the trash and start over new. 

Dignity AND sign language that is...

We deserve a fresh start from time to time.  Without one, we’d go absolutely insane. So this year, I hope to learn to say, “I quit,” with dignity – and screen my calls better...