Film Selection Part II - Cover me!

-->(Photo from Thomas Beatie's book Labor of Love - Unless you've pushed your film out of a vag/man-gina - spare me the metaphor please!)

Just processed another 20+ submissions for the film festival I coordinate.  I even snuck a peak at an animated student film (not my category, but it looked REALLY cute – and it was!)

Alas – in the process of inputting some submissions, I found some more cringe-worthy faux pas(es).  In the interest of saving future submitters the embarrassment and other coordinators the headache – here is my latest gripe.

1) Cover Letter Do’s and DON’T EVERS! 

Some people submit with a cover letter.  Some do not.  I don’t have a preference on the receiving end, but if you send one, I take the time to read it.  A light-hearted handshake is great.  A quick log line or story tease is nice.  And if you are submitting for consideration in a specific category (First-time Filmmaker, Gender/Theme/Genre Category, Locale Specific Production, etc.) it’s helpful to get a quick note to draw that to my attention.  That way, I can make sure it’s properly sorted and assigned to the right judges from the start.  But there is a phrase I see over and over again that absolutely makes me cringe. 

“This project was a labor of love…”  This is pretty much interchangeable with something indicating the work I am about to view is a “passion project.”  Usually following such a smushy-gushy statement is a disclaimer about how ‘sooo many people worked sooo hard,’ and volunteered or “donated countless hours of time and equipment.”  When you write this, you believe this seals your submission as a testament to the wonderfulness of your story, script and vision. 

“Look!” you’re yelling.  “My movie is so amaze-balls that I didn’t have to pay people.  They came to my set in droves begging to be a part of MY no-budget film!” 

But, my dear filmmaker, something gets more hopelessly lost in that translation than a Yeti in the Sahara.  Would you like to know what those words are really saying to the judges?

 

“I’m an amateur.  I couldn’t pull together any funding for my project, because no one with half a functioning brain cell believed in it enough to invest actual money.  It might not look all that great because I couldn’t afford to pay for professional equipment or services.  So go easy on it, because we shot it in my mom’s back yard, ate pizza every day for both catering and crafty, and the only actors and crew I could find were people who I went to high school with who still haven’t left town and gotten real jobs either.” 

Harsh?  You bet.  But only because there is a 92% accuracy rate of that written sentiment matching the physical quality of the work presented. 

Got news for you ‘Spielberg Jr.’ – EVERY film is a labor of love.  Every completed project is the culmination of thousands of hours put in by dozens to hundreds of trained workers busting their collective asses over 12+ hour days.  These people, even when they’re getting paid, are choosing this industry over home-cooked meals, a kid’s little league game, and steady checks with paid vacation time.  I’m glad you love your project.  I want to love it too.  I really do!  But when you send me an excuse in the cover letter, it sends up more red flags than North Korea.  

“But, I hear filmmakers say that on late night talk shows all the time!” you sputter in disbelief. 

Of course you do.  They can say that about a groundbreaking documentary or a gritty indie that ALREADY HAS DISTRIBUTION.  Then it’s called marketing.  That’s the filmmaker (who is already accomplished – hence why he is on Letterman and you are not) explaining why his film is in limited release cinemas instead of every multiplex in ‘Merica.  Those films are usually still made with between 2 and 10 million dollars.  

So what do you put in a cover letter?  Names of recognizable talent and crew are great.  A derivative work is also appropriate (the passionate retelling of Johnny Appleseed in a modern context.)  If the film has won any awards or is an official selection at a high-profile festival, that’s useful too!  If you’re a filmmaker whose work has screened at the festival in the past, that usually puts you on the expedited list, so let us know.  Don’t bother to tell me what other festivals you’ve submitted to, or that you made it to a ‘semi-final’ round before getting rejected – (yep, that was in one of the letters.) 

At the end of the day, a cover letter isn’t all that important for your submission, because what we’re looking for is a great film.  But if you write a poor cover letter, then we’re not expecting the script or finished product to be all that great.  If all else fails, just write, “We are pleased to submit Zombies from Valhalla for consideration in your festival.  We hope you enjoy our film.”  And be done with it!