Baby Got Your Back!

Ask yourself - Are you a bikini/lingerie model on a shoot? No? Suck it in!

Skinny Girls – please STOP sticking your asses out…

Look – no one is happier than me that “junk in the trunk” is a good thing now.  I suffered through high school in a time and place when Baby Got Back was a punch line making me the literal BUTT of most jokes. 

Shopping when you’re bootylicious?  Not much fun.  Skinny jeans will never be my friend, and Lycra spandex is a necessary fabric ingredient in anything that I plan on wearing below the waist. 

Here’s the kicker.  I grew up taking ballet lessons.  My keister juts out in spite of years of training to “pull up and tuck under.”  I have to engage my abs just fit between the closing doors on the subway. 

So imagine my confusion when I see all these perfectly lovely slender young women walking around in tight dresses sticking their butts and guts out on purpose! 

A) It’s bad for your back!  How can you tolerate walking around like that? It makes my sacrum ache just to look at you… and

B) It looks freakin’ ridiculous.  Sure, if I’m approaching you from your posterior, there is an illusion of booty.  But when I see your silhouette and realize your non-existent tummy is also bulging out the front, all I can do is shake my head.  Do you have ANY idea how hard girls like me work to flatten our abs in hopes to one-day fit into pencil skirts and tight dresses?  Any concept of how many crunches, flutter kicks and full-range sit ups I do daily to get at least one part of me to keep from bulging out of my clothes?  And you go and mock me by sticking out your tummy in order to pretend to have a bubble ass like mine?  It’s just not worth it.  I PROMISE you!

Stop! No! And Don't! Shame on this Photographer for making this gut appear!

In another five to ten years you’ll be sitting in a chiropractor’s office in tears because your hips are sore, your back always hurts and you’re adding pounds of weight every month because you can’t exercise anymore because your lower vertebrae are so screwed up.  And back issues cascade. By the time you seek medical help, it won’t be just your lower back.  It will be your shoulders, neck, hips, knees…

And what for?  To perpetuate a male fetish that comes and goes with the next Top-40 single?  To attract men on the street so you can yell at them when they catcall you?  To please a potential boyfriend who thinks ass-cheeks are more important than your cheeky personality?

Please – stand up straight!  Take some pride in the body your DNA crafted.  Enjoy wearing clothes that I’ll never be able to get one half of my tush into.  Yeah – we’re a shallow society and looks matter.  But luckily, everyone has different tastes.  And trying to look different just because it’s popular is NOT worth the pain down the road.  Suck in that gut and flaunt that skinny bod.  I would if I were you! ;)