The Only Way Past is Through Part II: Happy Birthday to Me

 (Q: What does the following have to do with dealing with my father’s recent death? 

A: I’m not sure. I know only that this is a reflection on my own mortality and it seemed important this week. And yeah – it’s a little morbid. Cheers!)

My Grandma Morse’s birthday is about six weeks before mine every year.  And for some reason, I always take great pleasure in teasing her about getting another year older.

“Grandma, how does it feel to be so old?” (giggle, giggle…)

She never disappoints.

 “Well, you know, it beats the alternative.”  I’m not sure how old I was when I figured out what it was she was saying, but I thought it was kind of hysterical.  “It beats being DEAD!” (Ha-ha-ha!!!)

Source: https://media.giphy.com/media/iE6Iuo73NJAe4/giphy.gif

Did I mention, I’ve always had a fairly dark sense of humor?

I still smirk, but I don’t really laugh anymore.  Maybe it’s because I’m finally gaining some perspective.

This year, I was lucky enough to have my birthday fall on an actual Saturday!  Yeah – I know.

“Hillary, at your age, why would you be so excited about another birthday?  Aren’t you over it by now? Doesn’t it feel weird to be so old?”

Well, this year was kind of special.  I realized it the closer I got.

A little over a month ago, I moved into a new apartment in NYC.  True to form of most NYC apartments under $2,000/month, my living space is – hmmm – well defined.  Okay – that’s a euphemism for limited.  But it’s cozy, kitty friendly, has good access to street parking, includes a really cool roommate that I’ve known for years, is in a nice neighborhood with good train access and has a bomb-a$$ backyard! 

Source: https://media.giphy.com/media/cSDkd9hDV6RJ6/giphy.gif

So, without thinking too much, my roomie and I planned an outdoor cookout-style birthday party.  The impending party date gave us some good goals for things like, getting the lawn mowed, getting a new patio umbrella and fixing the gas grill.

But as the party got closer and our checklist grew shorter, I started to remember the last time I tried to host a Saturday backyard cookout birthday.

It was exactly ten years ago in last weekend.  I was living in a house in Edgewater, Florida on a 1/3^rd acre lot, so I had a pretty sizable back yard.  Of course, no one wants to be in a backyard in Florida in June! But I’d acquired citronella tikki torches and equipped my grill with a new propane tank, even though the bulk of the party was going to happen in the air-conditioned house FILLED with all the party fixin’s! Meat to grill, side dishes galore, (I’m pretty sure it was a fajita bar) and so many beverages!!!

https://media.giphy.com/media/l41lKP154DNqWsvOE/giphy.gif

I’d invited a ton of people with the focus being my improv troupe and their friends.  In fact, earlier that morning, a few of us were guests on a locally produced kid’s radio show to promote our pending 1^st Birthday Show (now a standing RAI tradition!)

I made it to the show and got through the morning, but after our interview/on-air performance, we were ‘brunching’ at D.B. Pickles when I really started to crash. 

You see, I had just completed six months of super-aggressive chemotherapy for a nasty little sarcoma in my left foot.  After four of those months, I had surgery that not only removed the tumor, but amputated a good chunk of what had once been my best foot when it was forward.  I was about eight weeks post op at the time.

I was on a walking boot, so I was getting around okay – off of pain meds, and driving again.  But that day, my immune system just – well – coded I guess. 

I’ll spare the super disgusting details, but my condition took a nasty downturn and I wound up laying on a couch for a while, feebly mumbling directives to a small group of my friends who swooped in to save the day by prepping the food and finishing the set-up.  Eventually, when it became obvious that I wasn’t going to be able to “rally” and join the party, I went and hid out in my bedroom, so at least my friends could enjoy themselves without having to look at me.

https://media.giphy.com/media/cMV9akgudJiRW/giphy.gif

I was pretty pathetic that day.  I couldn’t get fluids down, but my eyes kept watering and I couldn’t stop drooling.  Yup – I was worse than St. Bernard!  I think I wound up putting a towel on my pillow.  The one upside was that at least my drool couldn’t get my hair wet – cuz – ya know – chemo!  No hair to worry about!

My friends checked in on me repeatedly.  I kept telling them to go out and enjoy the party.  I didn’t want the food to go to waste.  I wanted everyone to have a good time, even if I couldn’t – maybe especially because I couldn’t.

I’ll never know the absolute truth about that night.  I know I heard music.  I know I heard periodic bursts of loud laughter and talking.  And I let that soothe my soul for the moment, thinking that even if my body wasn’t capable of joining in the fun, at least fun was just one room over, and I had helped supply it.

And I vowed to myself that my next birthday would be better.

And I kept that promise. I don’t remember the specifics of all the birthdays between that night and Saturday, but I definitely took time Saturday night to be grateful that I was able to be the “grill-master” for my friends.  I was thrilled that I was able to spend most of the night on my feet, tending to my guests.  I was so happy to introduce all of my friends to each other and share stories and tips with each other.  I was relieved that I was capable of getting up and going to the door to let my friends in one by one and show them to our little backyard oasis. 

Source: https://media.giphy.com/media/Z4IXspU3iCHlK/giphy.gif

And maybe this year, for the first time, I really understood and appreciated what my grandmother has told me all these years about greeting another year head on.  Yes, I am ONE YEAR OLDER!!!  And that’s more than okay, because you know what?  It really does beat the alternative…

Back on the Horse

The only constant in our lives is change.

And honestly, that’s the way it should be.  If we stay stagnant for too long, we’re not growing, or stretching, or reaching our ultimate potential.

But change can be messy.  It can come when we’re not ready for it.  And it can hurt like a bitch. 

I’ve spent the last month postponing pain.  It’s a trick I learned very early in life as a performer and a dancer.  You can push so hard and build so much momentum that you don’t feel the pain.  You can feed off the stress, the euphoria and the inertia to just keep going and doing.  But when you stop, and you always do eventually stop – that’s when you have to face the pain.

Sometimes it’s strictly physical – like dancing for hours on blistered, bleeding toes, or doing an entire show through a screaming migraine.  And you don’t feel a thing until the applause has subsided and you’re on your way home for the night.  Then – WHAM! (Not the 80’s pop band.)  You collide with the pain that you’ve been suppressing for hours.  You ice, bandage, medicate, and ultimately curl up into a whimpering ball in bed for a few hours believing that when you wake up the next morning, it will have lessened to the point that you can function again.

Image: geocities.ws

But when the pain is on the inside, it’s a different ballgame.  You can push it off for longer.  What – it’s starting to hurt?  Turn on your go-to music playlist.  A tickle of depression? Recite a mantra while putting on mascara and go out for a night with friends!  Keep over-booking.  Keep making jokes.  Keep focusing on the next thing and the next and the next…

That is, until your last shred of sanity is bare.  Until you’re sitting in your living room at 3:33pm without having accomplished anything on your To Do List, starving, but unable to commit to getting dressed and foraging for food.  Until you know the only way to get past is finally go through…

This post is not me getting through.

This post is me acknowledging that it’s time to get through.  This post is me getting back on the horse.  Back on the bicycle.  Back… to the Future!!! – by preparing to deal with the past.  

Image: moviepilot.com

I’m not the protagonist of Eat, Pray, Love.  I don’t have a bunch of money saved up to take a year off from life traveling the globe, devouring food, slurping red wine and banging three generations of B+ List actors. (Would that I did – winning Powerball ticket PLEASE!!!)

But I realize that if I want to get back on that crazy train to success that I was momentarily aboard in the not-so-distant past, I’m going to have to let myself feel the pain, pick up the pieces and move on.

I welcome your thoughts, experiences, coping strategies, words of encouragement, agreements, disagreements, and mostly, your company, as I take this journey over the next few weeks.  And of course, I understand if this is too icky, too close to home or just not your ‘thing’ right now.

Image: Neogaf.com

Grief is F*cking UGLY.  Believe me – I am one UGLY crier!!! (A fact that way too many of my friends can attest to!)  But I know I can’t and more importantly, don’t want to do this alone.

So thank you – in advance.

Hillary J.

A Little V-Day LOOOOOVE! (Music Video)

Hey All!

I know lots of peeps who let today get them angry, depressed and bitter.  Well - the only dark thoughts I try to have on V-day are of CHOCOLATE!!!

It's been a while since I've celebated... OOPS!  (pardon my Freudian slip!) CELEBRATED Valentines Day with one particular special someone, but I have so many special people in my life, that I thought I'd make a special treat for ALL of you!

Here's me KILLING IT on my Uke, playing a romantic little blast from the past! So whether you already have a Valentine or not - I hope you'll still be MINE <3!!!

For a Reason…

They say, “Everything happens for a reason…” 

Hell – forget them – I say it.  Because it tends to be true.   

perezhilton.tumblr.com via giphy.com

Chillax, my reason-and-logic friends.  There may be no significant science to back this up, but I’m sure some survey somewhere found that people who believe this mantra tend to cope better with stress and bounce back from set backs faster.  Mind over matter.  And even if science can’t explain it (yet,) it doesn’t mean it doesn’t apply.

Take last week for example.  I was languishing in a sort of holding pattern due to TWO offers that were too good to refuse combined with fickle weather patterns and inconsistent communication (the latter of which is just the nature of the beast in this line of work.)

I developed a system.  If I hadn’t heard from casting by 6pm on any given night, I’d start a mad scramble to book work for the next day – but the next day ONLY – ensuring I’d still be available for whenever the two shows needed me.

nauthis666.tumblr.com via giphy.com

Word to the wise: this is NOT the optimum method for securing work from day to day.  Usually you want to hit the listings hard and early in the day to increase your chances of getting called.  But once you agree to core work, you’re walking a delicate tightrope between keeping your schedule open and still working enough days to pay your bills… which reminds me – T-Mobile – if you’re reading this, I’ll get that to you in just a couple more days…

The good news – I scored a fitting and day of work on the second series that invited me to do core work.  But then they rescheduled the second day of shooting they’d asked me to keep available, so I was on the prowl again for work on Friday.

via http://gifyoutube.com/gif/Kz2pzw (Not ACTUAL footage :) )

Luckily, as those of you who follow my Facebook page know, I got a super fun spot on a night shoot riding a bicycle (through some slush!) because of my excessively Western European roots ;)

But something more came from that night.  Since my bike came from the same side of camera as a little Smart Car that ‘crossed frame’ a little bit after me, I holed up inside said Smart Car between takes.

Turns out the driver of that car is working on putting together a SAG New Media Project, that will enable all the main non-union actors to become eligible for SAG (Union) Membership… but she just needed a writer.  Oh where, oh where was she possibly going to find a writer for her SAG New Media Web Short…???

www.reddit.com via giphy.com

We had a ‘meeting’ last night down in what’s left of the East Village (another rant for another Blog…) and I must say, things are looking quite good!  I had set a goal to be SAG eligible by the middle of this month, and it’s suddenly looking very, very good indeed! 

My life has actually been a succession of miracles.  One disaster typically gives way to an opportunity that never would have come if something else hadn’t gone to $hit first.  The point is, if the non-storm two weeks ago hadn’t happened and my fitting hadn’t been postponed, I wouldn’t have been able to work core on the second show and I wouldn’t have been riding a bike in the middle of the night on Friday, so I wouldn’t have met the cool woman who needs me to write her project! 

Life is good – even when it’s been a pain in my a$$.   I just need to keep remembering that!

The Abundance Trap -or- Don't Forget your Attitude of Gratitude!

 It begins with the best intentions.

You read inspirational quotes.  You clarify a goal in your mind.  You radiate optimism, and your life begins to fill with all the things you were seeking.

Who ISN'T inspired by an eagle? http://aboveaverage.me/best-motivational-posters/

But then…

You fine tune your goals and up the ante.  You panic when the new goal isn’t met immediately.  Your mindset slips quietly from optimism to desperation.  You question your abilities to make things happen.  You start grabbing at leads that have nothing to do with your end goals fearfully hoping that you can change the course of the opportunity instead of staying on your own course to begin with…

And then you wake up weeks, months – maybe years later – and wonder how it all went wrong.

IT didn’t go wrong.  You went wrong.  Or in this case – I went wrong.

I stopped doing the things that were leading me to success.  I grasped at straws and systematically created my own misery and wallowed in my fear and guilt.

And today – I’m trying to check myself before I wreck myself yet again.

I’ve been in NYC less than two months.  In fact, today marks exactly eight weeks.

The first two weeks I spent unpacking, getting settled and reaching out to some of my friends who were already here.  I started meeting up with my contacts, looking for work opportunities, and writing a new web series.

Then I got really sick for two weeks…

My fifth week I registered with a high-volume casting agency, and for the last three consecutive weeks I’ve managed to book three days a week on various film and TV projects as non-union talent.

So last week, I decided that my next step was to become union, and – perish the thought – no one came up to me in the last five days waving a SAG card in my face.

So yesterday – believe it or not – I actually started to panic.  Sure – I’d worked as recently as Thursday night into Friday morning.  But yesterday (Saturday) I just started to lose my sh*t because I hadn’t booked anything for the coming week yet.  And I didn’t have a SAG card yet.  And I’m still not a household name even though I’ve been working for THREE WHOLE WEEKS in NYC…

What HAVE I done?

Booked nine days on shows, seen a Tony-winning Broadwaymusical, attended the final dress of the Radio City Christmas Spectacular, shared an elevator with the entire line up of @Midnight comics at a live taping, seen some great live comedy, rocked my first NYC open mic, reconnected with some super talented friends, made some really promising new contacts, written the first two webisodes of my new series, posted a couple blogs, attended a few writer’s group meetings, started singing with a new choir…

So what’s my malfunction???

Today – I’m taking a big breath and smiling.  Today I’m rejoicing at how amazing the last eight weeks have been.  Today, I REFUSE to panic.  Today I KNOW that I’ll get my new headshots, I’ll book more work and I’ll get my SAG card – if not this week, then next. 

Today I accept that I AM doing everything I need to be doing.  I accept that the abundance, which I am already experiencing, is still flowing freely in my direction.

 Thankful for the little things! https://emedcert.com/blog/house-quotes-motivational-posters

I’m still reaching for my goals. But TODAY I am so GRATEFUL to the wonderful people in my life who are helping me each step of the way.

And what I’m doing is more than enough.

I’ll book more work this week.  The paychecks will keep coming.  The SAG card will get here.  The comedy bookings will come.  And the truth is, for someone like me, there will always be a new goal – a new project, a new set of accomplishments to reach for.  I know that about me, and I’m glad that even after all this time I’m still trying to get better.  It keeps life interesting.  But if you don’t take time to appreciate what you’ve done, how far you’ve come and all the people and things that helped you get there, the only person you’re cheating is yourself – and I refuse to do that!

Thank you for your support!

Letting Go...

I suffered extensive first world trauma at the age of 15.  I was on a three-week student exchange in Germany when I arrived a few minutes late for a charter bus trip that I was told “under no circumstances” to be late for.

That particular morning I actually was waiting on my German Host ‘sister,’ but I got a rather memorable comeuppance from my teachers who dressed me down in front of ALL the other students in the middle of bus.

I was sure my reputation was ruined forever, but I learned a valuable lesson that day – “Take ownership for your actions and their outcomes.”

(My excuse of, “It really wasn’t my fault this time,” didn’t quite cut it…)

So I’ve built my life around taking responsibility and ownership and seeing through what I start.  But now I have a new handicap.

I don’t always know when to let go.

Correction – I usually KNOW when – I just struggle with the execution...

I’ve always had a hard time uttering the word, “no,” when asked to do something I don’t want to do.  And I’ve rarely been able to say, “I’m done,” with anything more significant than a tasty dinner.

Peas are God's way of punishing mouthy children...

So two days ago, when a person I really didn’t want to deal with called me and literally demanded that I talk to him, I put him off and told him I’d call the next day.

All the next day, I wondered why I’d told him that.  I didn’t want to talk to him.  And I didn’t want to dive back into a project that I’d finally let go of after three years of investing massive amounts of time and money.

I was done. I am done.  I’m okay with that – so why couldn’t I say it to that dipsh*t when he called me?

Those of us who work in collaborative mediums like filmmaking learn to take a great deal of ownership in our work or it won’t get done.  That’s good.

But when you’re having a staring contest with your phone because you’d rather digest and sh*t out your own tongue than make one more promise to pursue a dead avenue, it’s time to get up from the table, scrape what’s left on your plate into the trash and start over new. 

Dignity AND sign language that is...

We deserve a fresh start from time to time.  Without one, we’d go absolutely insane. So this year, I hope to learn to say, “I quit,” with dignity – and screen my calls better...  

Graduation!!!

Over the last two years, I've been on this crazed, hectic journey to keep up with my regular life all while earning a BFA in Creative Writing for Entertainment at Full Sail University.  It's a very new program and one of only three BFA degrees in the country that focuses on writing for entertainment.

Yesterday at 8:30am, I graduated with four classmates who comprise the first ever on-campus section of the class. (Two online classes graduated before us - whatever...)  As the recipient of the Advanced Achiever Award, I was selected to give the graduation speech for my class.

The opening kind of terrified a few of the faculty members - but over all, it went pretty well...

Wow!  I’d like to thank the Academy, my manager and all my home-girls still shaking what their mammas gave them at the Skyway lounge…  Oops!

*Diablo Cody’s Oscar speech from Juno?  What am I doing with that?

 

Oscar on the horizon? You never know! And I've never been above a little 'foreshadowing!'
*Not REALLY the opening to Diablo Cody's Oscar speech!

  

 

…But in case any of you are concerned – don’t worry.  I could never be the ‘next Diablo Cody’ because I could never make a living in adult Entertainment for one very important reason – as my mother, classmates and ALL my teachers can now attest, I have absolutely no idea how to behave like an adult…

Case in point - Right now someone off stage is checking her notes and saying – uh oh… this is NOT the speech Hillary J. Walker submitted Sunday afternoon.

And she is right.

This isn’t the speech.  I wrote a speech - a solid speech. It was kind of cute in the beginning, gave some shout outs to my classmates, and took an inspirational turn into the home stretch where I thanked everyone responsible for my success.  Ta –Da!

But I realized after I turned it in, that I didn’t want to ‘deliver a speech,’ because I’ve spent the last two years of my life at this school learning to be a storyteller.  So the only fair thing for me to do is to tell you a story.

It’s about a deeply flawed protagonist who came here 10 years ago and really really wanted to make movies on the big screen. But after going on the tour, and even reserving a seat in the film production AS program, she just couldn’t figure out how to make it work. And she knew being a set PA wasn’t REALLY her dream.

So she enlisted in the Army National Guard and became a broadcast journalist. Also – not really her dream.

Then one Christmas, just two weeks after her stupid ex-husband drove away in a glistening yellow pick up truck, her ‘not quite dream’ turned into an actual nightmare when she found out she had cancer in her left big toe.

It’s amazing what a big pain in the butt toe-cancer can be.  In fact it almost killed our hero, but she decided she wanted to stick around – not to stick it to her idiot ex (who totally deserved it), or to even find new love and live happily ever after. She fought to live because there were so many stories living inside her head that she still wanted to tell.  There were so many words she’d never write and worlds she’d never create if she just gave up over one freakishly tenacious toe tumor…

In case any of you are wondering, this isn’t some script I’ve been working on for class.  This is my story.

And eventually, as John Cleese so elegantly said in Monty Python’s Holy Grail – "I got bettah…"

But I didn’t know how to get great – Until two years ago when I came back to tour Full Sail with an old friend who was chasing a new dream of her own. And I found out about the shiny new Creative Writing for Entertainment BFA.

That Sunday afternoon, I saw Garry Jones standing right here on this stage daring me to follow my dream – The very dream that kept me alive during the darkest point in my life.

And that moment I knew that someday I wanted to stand on this stage and dare others to follow their dreams too.

I’m not great yet.  But I made it to this stage.  And thanks to family members who’ve shown me more support than I deserve – thanks to teachers who boldly went where no curriculum has ever gone before – thanks to Program Director Noelani Cornell who has discovered that teaching writers entails more ‘cat-herding’ than a Siegfried and Roy show – and of course, thanks to Garry Jones, who dares each one of us to become the stars he believes we all can be – thanks to each of those people – I know how to get ‘great.’

Allison, Brittney, Micah and yes – even especially Garrett, you know how to get there too.  And I promise to help you each remember that, if you promise to remind me from time to time.

Thank you all for being here today to celebrate with me and the rest of Full Sail’s first ever Campus class to graduate from the Creative Writing for Entertainment BFA program.

Congratulations to all my fellow December 2013 grads! Guys - we totally got this!

Dirty Words...

Revision and Editing.

They used to be vulgar words that violated all I held holy.

In high school I considered myself a One-Draft-Wonder.  And compared to most of my classmates, I was.

Yeah – this sounds cocky, but honestly, it all comes down to process.  Some of us just use different methods of getting from A to B.  If I know a cross-town route that has fewer traffic lights, I’ll take it – even if it’s not quite as direct as your route.  I’ll probably get to my destination in the same amount of time as you.  I had to drive a little further, but I didn’t have to stop as many times along the way.

Can you say, "YUCK?" For me - the fewer of these, the better!

In writing, it’s the same.  I’m a ‘revise as I go’ kind of girl.  I’m also an ‘over-writer.’  When it’s time for me to clean up a first draft, it doesn’t typically require a massive overhaul.  It’s about punching up an image, cleaning up superfluous language and making sure I have the right its, theirs and twos. 

My road from ‘envisioning’ to complete ‘first draft’ is one in which I’m constantly smoothing transitions, rereading what I’ve written and solving problems as I go instead of glossing over them.

I realize not everyone has the patience to write this way.  However, it was the process I developed at a very early age, and it’s served me well. (Except for my 9^th grade English class, which I almost failed because our teacher graded us on ‘process’.)

So the other night, when my BFA Revisions and Editing teacher innocently asked if any of us had experienced writing an initial draft that lived up to our original intent, I raised my hand.  And today, after a couple of hours combing through work trying to find a scene that could use ‘considerable revision,’ I’m writing a blog instead of doing my homework.  Are there things that I could improve upon?  Of course!  But are they fully dysfunctional dead-end scenes with no purpose or clear outcome in dire need of painstaking revision?  Not really.

They are bits and pieces that could be decluttered, trimmed or polished. Atoms within cells. Branches within forests. Planet within galaxies – you get the picture.

I understand the value of the exercise.  I just hope she understands the amount of work it took to get it so close to right the first time…

MORE #SocialNetworking Commandments

You may be reading these online fan base building tips going, "Okay - if you're such an expert how come you don't even have 1,000 Twitter Followers yet?"  

Fair question.  

My biggest struggle is obeying my own Commandments - especially number Four.  Oh number Four... you always get me into trouble...

 THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT

Thou Shalt Be Consistent – especially at the beginning.

I follow a number of named celebrities on Twitter who go sometimes weeks, sometimes months without posting a dang thing.  That’s okay.  I’m going to keep following them because I’m interested in what they post when they post again.  You do not have that luxury. Be sure to post a few times a day. A few equals 3 – 5.  Too many and people will delete you for taking up their whole feed.  Too few and they’ll ‘clean’ their contacts and figure since you don’t tweet anymore, they might as well ‘unfollow’ you.  Sure – there are exceptions.  Tonight I must have posted about 8 posts or so in a one hour span coming up with new #OtherStarTrekFilms.  (The most successful was A SpockWork Orange…)  For an hour, I was part of a community of people I didn’t even know, but I was doing something that reinforced my brand and gained several Retweets and about 6 new followers in one hour.  If I hadn’t checked my Twitter tonight, I would have missed that fun game and the opportunity to connect with fellow Trek geeks!  Good thing I was consistent!

I dare you to tell me this mash-up isn't "Highly Logical!"

THE FIFTH COMMANDMENT

Thou Shalt Do Unto Others…

People follow you?  Follow them back – or at least mention them and thank them for Following.  People comment on a Facebook post?  Like it.  See a blog link from one of your followers? Read it/comment/share - repeat! Why would anyone put out content and ask others to participate without doing the same for them? It shows reciprocal appreciation to those who interact with your posts.  I mean, God has been credited with answering the occasional prayer, and even Ron Howard ReTweets fans – so what makes you too good to respond to the feedback your audience is giving?  Got a friend asking you to join a Band page, Modeling Page or Movie page?  Do it!  Then when you invite them to join your page/read your blog/share your video they’ll be more likely to show you the same support you just showed them.

Festival Sumbissions Pt. III - KISS me - Please!

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It’s time to come clean on shorts…

Notice, festivals never ask you to submit your ‘clam-diggers’ for competition.  There is not a ‘capri pant’ category.  The industry phrase is ‘Short Films.’   Short. 

What is ‘short?’ 

“Oooh!  I got this one,” you say – raising your arm high and waving it around with the same spastic energy of a fishing reel that’s snagged an Alaskan King salmon in the throes of spawning season.  “A short film is any film under an hour – OR whatever the maximum time allotment is on your WAB requirement page.  Suck it! Yeah!  High fives all around!”

You’re right – kind of.  Many festivals allow ‘short film’ submissions up to 60 minutes in length with 60 or 61 minutes being the bridge into what is considered the ‘feature film’ category.

“So my movie is 45 minutes long.  It’s a short!  See?  Easy-peasy!”

Not exactly.  See, at the end of the day, when programming a film festival, long shorts are frequently the first to get cut. 

“No fair!  You just said they could be up to 60 minutes long and mine’s only 45!  Why would you say that if you don’t mean it?”

It’s not that we don’t mean it.  Scheduling usually breaks into two-hour blocks, which allow time for a typical feature film to be introduced, screened and then followed up with a Q&A.  So shorts are usually divided up into thematic ‘Shorts Programs’ that will fit inside that same two-hour window with time for a brief intro and a discussion to follow. 

“So you’ve still got another 45 – 65 minutes of runtime in that slot.  What’s the problem?”

True.  But by and large we get a very high volume of very good short films.  So the problem is your 45-minute short needs to be BETTER than FOUR to FIVE other shorts of a similar theme to program it.  And I have more disheartening news.  In most cases, a 45-minute short (or any short over 25 minutes usually) is not tight enough to make the cut. 

Remember all those things I cautioned about in my first blog?  Pacing, economy of visual storytelling, montage abuse?  More often than not, long shorts are chief offenders.  They don’t enter scenes as late as possible.  They don’t get out before it gets boring.  They take too long with slow-moving artistic camera angles that don’t propel the story.

“You just don’t understand my art!” you say, closing your eyes and sticking your fingers in your ears.  “La, la, la, la – I can’t hear youuuuu!”

Maybe you’re right.  Maybe I don’t understand your art.  But most of us on these committees are here because we love film, and we have an especially soft spot for indie film.  We WANT to see ‘cutting edge.’  We WANT to program films that make us think and give us something to talk about afterward.  But we don’t want the Q&A to be, “What the hell was that movie even supposed to be about?  I don’t understand the point!”  And even if I ‘get’ what your trying to do, if there are other films that do it better, yours won’t get programmed. 

Sure there are a few exceptions when it comes to long shorts – and they’re almost ALL documentaries.  Docs are unique animals that are afforded a little more fluidity.  But a programmed 45-minute doc will never feel like it’s 45 minutes long.

“So what do I do with this killer 45-page script I wrote?”

Trim the fat.  Turn it into a super-tight 8 – 20 minute script.  Or flesh it out.  Add a B-story and make it a full-blown feature film.  But please, Please, PLEASEmake sure you get some money and few decent actors before you shoot it!  (Coming soon in another blog.)  The bulk of 25-plus-minute narrative shorts feel underdeveloped or under edited.  Work on making something AMAZING in 10 minutes or less. 

I mean, think about it – would you rather see a great pair of legs in capri pants or Daisy Dukes? 

‘Nough said!

Film Selection Part II - Cover me!

-->(Photo from Thomas Beatie's book Labor of Love - Unless you've pushed your film out of a vag/man-gina - spare me the metaphor please!)

Just processed another 20+ submissions for the film festival I coordinate.  I even snuck a peak at an animated student film (not my category, but it looked REALLY cute – and it was!)

Alas – in the process of inputting some submissions, I found some more cringe-worthy faux pas(es).  In the interest of saving future submitters the embarrassment and other coordinators the headache – here is my latest gripe.

1) Cover Letter Do’s and DON’T EVERS! 

Some people submit with a cover letter.  Some do not.  I don’t have a preference on the receiving end, but if you send one, I take the time to read it.  A light-hearted handshake is great.  A quick log line or story tease is nice.  And if you are submitting for consideration in a specific category (First-time Filmmaker, Gender/Theme/Genre Category, Locale Specific Production, etc.) it’s helpful to get a quick note to draw that to my attention.  That way, I can make sure it’s properly sorted and assigned to the right judges from the start.  But there is a phrase I see over and over again that absolutely makes me cringe. 

“This project was a labor of love…”  This is pretty much interchangeable with something indicating the work I am about to view is a “passion project.”  Usually following such a smushy-gushy statement is a disclaimer about how ‘sooo many people worked sooo hard,’ and volunteered or “donated countless hours of time and equipment.”  When you write this, you believe this seals your submission as a testament to the wonderfulness of your story, script and vision. 

“Look!” you’re yelling.  “My movie is so amaze-balls that I didn’t have to pay people.  They came to my set in droves begging to be a part of MY no-budget film!” 

But, my dear filmmaker, something gets more hopelessly lost in that translation than a Yeti in the Sahara.  Would you like to know what those words are really saying to the judges?

 

“I’m an amateur.  I couldn’t pull together any funding for my project, because no one with half a functioning brain cell believed in it enough to invest actual money.  It might not look all that great because I couldn’t afford to pay for professional equipment or services.  So go easy on it, because we shot it in my mom’s back yard, ate pizza every day for both catering and crafty, and the only actors and crew I could find were people who I went to high school with who still haven’t left town and gotten real jobs either.” 

Harsh?  You bet.  But only because there is a 92% accuracy rate of that written sentiment matching the physical quality of the work presented. 

Got news for you ‘Spielberg Jr.’ – EVERY film is a labor of love.  Every completed project is the culmination of thousands of hours put in by dozens to hundreds of trained workers busting their collective asses over 12+ hour days.  These people, even when they’re getting paid, are choosing this industry over home-cooked meals, a kid’s little league game, and steady checks with paid vacation time.  I’m glad you love your project.  I want to love it too.  I really do!  But when you send me an excuse in the cover letter, it sends up more red flags than North Korea.  

“But, I hear filmmakers say that on late night talk shows all the time!” you sputter in disbelief. 

Of course you do.  They can say that about a groundbreaking documentary or a gritty indie that ALREADY HAS DISTRIBUTION.  Then it’s called marketing.  That’s the filmmaker (who is already accomplished – hence why he is on Letterman and you are not) explaining why his film is in limited release cinemas instead of every multiplex in ‘Merica.  Those films are usually still made with between 2 and 10 million dollars.  

So what do you put in a cover letter?  Names of recognizable talent and crew are great.  A derivative work is also appropriate (the passionate retelling of Johnny Appleseed in a modern context.)  If the film has won any awards or is an official selection at a high-profile festival, that’s useful too!  If you’re a filmmaker whose work has screened at the festival in the past, that usually puts you on the expedited list, so let us know.  Don’t bother to tell me what other festivals you’ve submitted to, or that you made it to a ‘semi-final’ round before getting rejected – (yep, that was in one of the letters.) 

At the end of the day, a cover letter isn’t all that important for your submission, because what we’re looking for is a great film.  But if you write a poor cover letter, then we’re not expecting the script or finished product to be all that great.  If all else fails, just write, “We are pleased to submit Zombies from Valhalla for consideration in your festival.  We hope you enjoy our film.”  And be done with it!